Thursday, 8 December 2011

My first Christmas newsletter has arrived!!!! ;-)'s time for all those Christmas cards to drop through the letter box

and you know that my faves are the ones which include those newsletters!!

Oh look!! One has just landed on my door mat as I type...

let's read it together, shall we?


Dear All,

Well what a fabulous year it has been, once again!

I've acquired many expensive and wonderful things, about which I must tell you.

The new, top quality Axminster throughout the house has made the world of difference.It cost a fortune, mind you, but the pure gold fleck in it is a joy to behold! Just one little sign of our wealth!
We have also treated ourselves to a new extra large, three piece suite; ( recliners naturally )
posh Italian leather, of course....and not forgetting the two, matching pouffes!

Neville has acquired a bigger and better 'sit on' lawn mower, which helps him no end in mowing the absolutely acres of land that we possess. Our new summerhouse with the added luxury of a kitchen extension, makes the garden...and seats 40 people.
Miles gave us a top notch barbecue for our anniversary so we are well set up for summer evening social gatherings.

Meanwhile,we have taken 4 holidays this year.
Miles and Piers accompanied us to The Seychelles where we spent three weeks doing little but wining and dining every night . Gloria and Gordon came with us to Brazil...a shorter trip but well worth it if only for the coffee. And last January we went skiing in the Swiss Alps. We stayed in an exclusive, little village and dined every night in a very classy restaurant where the cuisine was superb!
Finally, we had a fortnight in Torquay in the summer...not my choice you understand but Neville wanted to 'do Devon'. I thought it all rather quaint but somewhat common. Mind you we did have some good weather and were able to take the boat across the bay quite a few times and mix with some very fine, upper crust people from the Torbay yachting fraternity.

The grandchildren are all doing very,very well. Crystal has gained a place at Oxford to read Law and her twin brother, Quentin, has secured his place at Edinburgh to read Medicine. Both gained top marks in their A levels and we've bought them each a house to live in, whilst they study away from home.

In September,Neville came home with a new 50 inch tv and at the same time he presented me with a gold bracelet as it was our 40th. My gift to him was the top spec BMW with all the trimmings,if you know what I mean. The personalised plate was the icing on the cake. He was thrilled. I think his parents chose wisely when they named him Neville Oscar - Blakely...don't you?

So, all in all a very good year indeed.

Wishing you a happy Christmas and all the best for 2012!

Serena Nadia Oscar - Blakely



Anonymous said...

What another crappy year

I've lost most of what little I had (due to my subscription to BetFred) save for my ability to tell you all about it (it won't cost me right!)

The second hand Lino ripped out of the special hospital barely fits my hovel and the scratching of the feet of the rats across it at night keeps me awake.

I too have bought a new designer three piece suite. Three milk crates and a scaffold plank covered in a shabby throw or a cut up tarpaulin I should say. I bought it from two poofs who said it would soon be all the rage.

I managed to steal a ride on lawn mower but got caught and my case comes up next week. Still at least I get fed and keep warm on remand.

I am lucky that I didn't need to take extravagant holidays each year as I am unemployed and on the dole. The money isn't much but I like the hours, which suits me, allowing me to take up other pursuits.

I too spent a fortnight in Devon as I wanted to do Torquay (a worse dump than my own) and was upset at having missed the twinning ceremony with Beirut.

The grandchildren are all doing really well in care and you soon appreciate not hearing or seeing them. Still it saves on unnecessary expenditure on presents at this time of year as White Lightning has gone up again.

They are doing well in their approved schools and are keen to stay late most evenings, especially as some of the lead is hard to reach.

In September Kevin came home with a 50" tv a souvenir of his capital tour of the riots.

I gave my eldest a special edition BMW but as it was not technically mine as well as a cut and shut I am up before the beak again next week.

It'll give me a chance to save my dole for more booze this Christmas whilst on remand again.

So if you don't want to see me again next year, lock your doors and don't watch Crimewatch.

Wishing you all a happy Christmas and a prosperous new year in case I need to borrow anything.

Acquiring this computer through a fraudulent insurance claim has really assisted me in circulating my round robin to you all instead of cards, as the security store detectives at WH Smiths are on their toes this year and really get in my way.

Oliver Ian King !

Anonymous said...

Brilliant Sal!'s enough to make one want to say 'HUMBUG!' ...and plenty of them!
Love Amanda (Shabby Chick) xxx

Carol said...

Well I had a right chuckle at your round robin letter Sal and then almost fell off my chair reading Anon's comment.
Thank you both, brilliant, absolutely.
Crol xx

Sal said...

When I get hold of 'Anonymous', I will handcuff him...and deal with him!! ;-)

Anonymous said...

If it helps I can be found at
Cell 1743
B Wing (Remand)
HMP Wandsworth (sings with the numbers on their names)

Menopausalmusing said...

That's right Sal, tie him up with string!!!! ;O)))))

Wonderfully funny post and comments from Anonymous!

Anonymous said...

Ah string

Should have done Taunton not Torquay

KC'sCourt! said...

Wonderful post Sal - it has cheered me up no end, I love the Annonymous comment too! Poor thing handcuffing him though!
Julie xxxxxxxx

Sal said...

I remember the 'string' post and that shop window in Taunton!!

Jill Cambridge said...

Thanks for making me feel better.. I jst checked your blog after some time away and laughed at this posting, as the first christma card I received a letter inside from someone I don't know that well and it included several things that you write about ( I kid u not!... 'extensive (read that as expensive) block paving which the neigbours are all envious of!!' and operations on various parts of the body done at BUPA! Give me a break PLEASE!! xxxx Merry Christmas!

Sal said...

LOL...Glad I cheered you up! ;-)x