Sunday, 4 December 2011

Sal's The Vintage and Handmade Christmas Fair ;-)

Sir Bruce: Good evening everyone!

Nice to see you to see you ...NICE!

And what a show we have in store for you, tonight!

Tonight's theme is 'VINTAGE'

(A bit like me..har har har! ;-)

So, without further ado, let's meet our rather extended panel of judges.

(What a rabble!)

Sir Bruce: First up, are our professional dancers with

The Dance of the Vintage Tea Cup

Sir Bruce: Well, DIDN'T THEY DO WELL?

That was quite a start to the show and didn't our

costume girl, Hen, do a great job too.

Give us a twirl!

(No, not you Hen! I meant the dancer!)

Let's have a round of applause please!

Sir Bruce: The first of our contestants tonight, will be

dressed as...oooh... snowmen...

which reminds me... time for a joke...!

How do snowmen greet each other?


'ICE to see you, to see you ICE!'

(Guffaw , guffaw)

Sir Bruce : Great stuff...I wonder what the audience thought of that?

Hmmm, the audience look a bit like the judges, don't they?

Oh well..never mind.

You're such a lovely audience..much better than last week!

(Lies through teeth!)

Let's ask Craig Revel Horwood what he thinks.

Over to you Craig.

CRH: Darling, I thought it was a bit flakey in places, your hip

action was a bit slushy and your expression was a little cold

but apart from that I liked it!'

(Boo Hiss etc)

Sir Bruce: Before I move on, I would like to say that

tonight, our judges have been given some rather nifty,

festive clipboards on which to write their notes.

Thanks to Sal in the props dept!

Sir Bruce: Our next contestants tonight are dressed as vintage elves

and they are doing

the very quick quickstep with a few antics thrown in.

Sir Bruce: Let's ask our judges what they think. Bruno?

Bruno (stands up, gesticulates) : Ooooooooh you little rascals!

How I would like to slip and slide all over the place with were

nifty and naughty and I loved you! ;-)

(Len smirks)

Sir Bruce: Good game, good next up is the Minute Waltz

Great props for this one...

Sir Bruce: Let's ask head judge, Len what he thought of that waltz.

Len: I thought it was a little wooden in places and

they danced by the...ummmm.. book...

Sir Bruce: Moving on, we have a solo number from Clare, our professional.

(Rousing applause for Clare)

Sir Bruce: And now we have 'The Dance of the Vintage Junk'

Performed by Lesley and Paul!

Sir Bruce: What style eh, Alesha?

Alesha : 'You absolutely owned the floor (and all that vintage junk)

You bossed the dance, throughout

and I think you are getting better and better.

Remember, Paul...keep those arms straight and Lesley, try not to

grin so much as you glide around!

Sir Bruce: And next up is the Dance of the Sparkley Baubles...

when I was told I had to announce this, I said to the producer,

''You leave my sparkly baubles out of this'

But did he heck?

Sir Bruce: Great dance! Craig?

Craig: You can't get enough sparkly baubles, darling.

Bruno : I second that!

(Len grins ; Alesha groans)

Sir Bruce: And for our penultimate comes

The Dance of the Crotchet

Oh for heaven's sake...who made that clanger on my autucue is meant to be Crochet...!

Sir Bruce: Len what do you reckon? Great dance?

Len : I loved the way that you hooked your bodies around each other!

(Craig looks on admiringly; Bruno faints and Craig has to revive him

...trying not to enjoy it!)

Sir Bruce: And finally, to round off the evening's entertainment...

The Polka

Performed by our Polish dancers

Sir Bruce: What a show...and don't forget to tune in tomorrow

to find out who goes through to the next round.



Da da da da da da da....da da da da da

Tee hee...Many thanks to Michele and Jayne...who organised another

wonderful Vintage and Handmade Fair...and...lets face it...

without them this load of tripe would not have been written!

So blame them!



Alix said...

Hehe - really enjoyed this! Wish I could have been there but I was also busy selling, so I loved being able to waltz round the stalls with you (even if I do now know what I missed...) Love your clipboards - so sweet!

KC'sCourt! said...

I really enjoyed myself yesterday! Enjoyed chatting to fellow bloggers and purchased a few items.
Julie xxxxxxx

BusyLizzie said...

Fabtastic darling! Love your poise & presentation! Top marks Sal. xxx

VintageVicki said...

Only a true SCD fan could understand that - and I am so I do.

Looks as ever an amazing event - just wish you weren't so far away - I'd have spent a fortune :)

Country Cottage Chic said...


'Twas nice to see you, to see you nice!


I don't know what happened to Mr C yesterday - he hardly took any photos - I wonder if it had anything to do with the fact that he got home at 2am after meeting up with a friend & I made him get up at 6?

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

We had the FORSYTH to set out early in order to get a place in the car park
Having travelled far we were desperate for the LULU
We go to every fair and would go DALY if we could
Some of out friends travelled far too, one came from CHELSEE
Some had LOBBed their goodies in DONAVAN other placed them in the boot in ANITA fashion.
The doors opened on time and the crowds quick s
tepped in, waltzed about, some were quite SAVAGE HARRISON the stall holders for a DEALY
Entry was free so there was no need for a GRANT
Stall holders displayed their goodies to perfection, each trying to keep up with the JONES'
There were lovely materials, curtains and even a VALANCE
The hall was decked with Christmas decorations and even some HOLLY
I'm not going to mention the three NANCIES as I don't want to get sued.
On the way home we stopped off for a CURRIE and will definitely be DU BEKE next time as it was a RORY success.

THIS'N'THAT said...

Great to see you two yesterday! We really enjoyed ourselves and the revisit via your blog pics. Thanks Sal KEEEEEEP blogging!! XX

Menopausalmusing said...

Wonderful post..... wish I could have been there.........


Carol said...

You are a case Sal, that was so funny. The fair looks fab.
Carol xx

Cowboys and Custard said...

I knew we could rely on your wonderful prose and photography to catch the action of the day Sal..
I was too busy shimmying all day to take any photos this time.. but didn't it all look 10/10 for presentation, poise and poetry in motion!

Michele x

Anonymous said...

Well done Sal...another cracker and well done to 'Mr.Anonymous' for his verdict on the day too!
Great photos...quite like to go shopping there myself!
Love Amanda (Shabby Chick) xxx