Sal's Lens...at The Vintage and Handmade Christmas Fair ;-)

Sir Bruce: Good evening everyone!

Nice to see you to see you ...NICE!

And what a show we have in store for you, tonight!

Tonight's theme is 'VINTAGE'

(A bit like me..har har har! ;-)

So, without further ado, let's meet our rather extended panel of judges.

(What a rabble!)

Sir Bruce: First up, are our professional dancers with

The Dance of the Vintage Tea Cup

Sir Bruce: Well, DIDN'T THEY DO WELL?

That was quite a start to the show and didn't our

costume girl, Hen, do a great job too.

Give us a twirl!

(No, not you Hen! I meant the dancer!)

Let's have a round of applause please!

Sir Bruce: The first of our contestants tonight, will be

dressed as...oooh... snowmen...

which reminds me... time for a joke...!

How do snowmen greet each other?

.....

'ICE to see you, to see you ICE!'

(Guffaw , guffaw)

Sir Bruce : Great stuff...I wonder what the audience thought of that?

Hmmm, the audience look a bit like the judges, don't they?

Oh well..never mind.

You're such a lovely audience..much better than last week!

(Lies through teeth!)

Let's ask Craig Revel Horwood what he thinks.

Over to you Craig.

CRH: Darling, I thought it was a bit flakey in places, your hip

action was a bit slushy and your expression was a little cold

but apart from that I liked it!'

(Boo Hiss etc)

Sir Bruce: Before I move on, I would like to say that

tonight, our judges have been given some rather nifty,

festive clipboards on which to write their notes.

Thanks to Sal in the props dept!

Sir Bruce: Our next contestants tonight are dressed as vintage elves

and they are doing

the very quick quickstep with a few antics thrown in.

Sir Bruce: Let's ask our judges what they think. Bruno?

Bruno (stands up, gesticulates) : Ooooooooh you little rascals!

How I would like to slip and slide all over the place with you...you were

nifty and naughty and I loved you! ;-)

(Len smirks)

Sir Bruce: Good game, good game...now next up is the Minute Waltz

Great props for this one...

Sir Bruce: Let's ask head judge, Len what he thought of that waltz.

Len: I thought it was a little wooden in places and

they danced by the...ummmm.. book...

Sir Bruce: Moving on, we have a solo number from Clare, our professional.

(Rousing applause for Clare)

Sir Bruce: And now we have 'The Dance of the Vintage Junk'

Performed by Lesley and Paul!

Sir Bruce: What style eh, Alesha?

Alesha : 'You absolutely owned the floor (and all that vintage junk)

You bossed the dance, throughout

and I think you are getting better and better.

Remember, Paul...keep those arms straight and Lesley, try not to

grin so much as you glide around!

Sir Bruce: And next up is the Dance of the Sparkley Baubles...

when I was told I had to announce this, I said to the producer,

''You leave my sparkly baubles out of this'

But did he heck?

Sir Bruce: Great dance! Craig?

Craig: You can't get enough sparkly baubles, darling.

Bruno : I second that!

(Len grins ; Alesha groans)

Sir Bruce: And for our penultimate dance...here comes

The Dance of the Crotchet

Oh for heaven's sake...who made that clanger on my autucue

..it is meant to be Crochet...!

Sir Bruce: Len what do you reckon? Great dance?

Len : I loved the way that you hooked your bodies around each other!

(Craig looks on admiringly; Bruno faints and Craig has to revive him

...trying not to enjoy it!)

Sir Bruce: And finally, to round off the evening's entertainment...

The Polka

Performed by our Polish dancers

Sir Bruce: What a show...and don't forget to tune in tomorrow

to find out who goes through to the next round.

Meanwhile...

KEEEEEEP DANCING!

Da da da da da da da....da da da da da

Tee hee...Many thanks to Michele and Jayne...who organised another

wonderful Vintage and Handmade Fair...and...lets face it...

without them this load of tripe would not have been written!

So blame them!

;-)