Thursday, 12 December 2013

Ha ha ha....love from Serena and Neville ( my old pals!)

Well well well!!

I've received my first Christmas card and just look who has sent it to me!

My old friend Serena! You might recall that I received this in 2011:

http://salssnippets.blogspot.co.uk/2011/12/my-first-christmas-newsletter-has.html

Well, Serena's delightful card arrived today, along with her 'not so delightful' bragging letter!!

(Funny how I never hear from her at any other time of the year!)

But her letter made me chuckle and I just had to share it (before I rip it up!)

It reminds me of what NOT to be!



*********


Dear All,

2013 started badly for us!

The dog chucked up all over the new Axminster and Churchill wouldn't play ball (and cough up the insurance). Neville was absolutely furious and so he found a very good man to come and restore the gold fleck to its former beauty. Cost a fortune but what with all the dinner parties we host,it was very very necessary.
The dog has since departed ( more about that, later)

We were so pleased with our Italian leather suite that we purchased another, for our conservatory.
Ah yes, the conservatory! A new, but very much needed, addition to our luxurious and lavish home.
I can now sit in comfort whilst watching Neville mow the lawn. In fact I have installed state of the art loudspeakers, outside, so that I can inform Neville when he misses any blades of grass. Remotely controlled from my iPhone,it's the best thing yet. The new iNag...well with the money I have,why not?! I have it remotely ( and wirelessly) linked to the mower's handle so that Neville also gets a short sharp shock to remind him that he has missed a patch. So even if he doesn't hear me, he will feel it! Sheer genius, don't you think! I am so glad that I have excelled in the techno dept this year. 

The 'not so good news' is that the 100 year oak tree, at the bottom of our garden, was blown over in the gales and it landed smack bang on our new summer house! You might think that was calamity for us? Well, thankfully not. No one  was injured....apart from the dog. Dead as as dodo; flat as a pancake. Sadly. Well, maybe not so sadly. We could never forgive him for what he did to the carpet. I always said that the summerhouse wasn't big enough for our needs, so it was a blessing in disguise and we have had another, (twice the size) erected. These things happen for the best...as I was only saying to the ladies at the golf club, last week.

Our holidays, this year, have been most exhilarating!
The South of France, for me, was the highlight. My tan was divine...
and has lasted... and lasted. We then spent a fortnight in the Lake District, which was very relaxing indeed. When you lead such a hectic social life as I do,you need some chilling time. I have to admit that I have never done a days work in my life but I do need to have a change of scenery now and again as the social scene is very exhausting. I did put my foot down and I refused to 'do Devon' again, this year. I find the accent there so awfully common!  Neville disagrees but I take little notice of his opinions. We did Cornwall instead...and took the yacht with us this time. The weather was glorious although I do find the Cornish quite strange at times; maybe that's because most of them are second homes people...but I can hardly talk as we too own a second home (and a third, acquired this year, after our shares did so well!)

As far as the family are concerned, Miles has been promoted to managing director of his firm and Piers is in line for a knighthood, we believe! How exciting is that? I haven't stopped talking about it!
I've chosen my hat, already!
Gloria and Gordon have moved to a house in the country and they now employ a maid, a chauffeur  and a groundsman to look after their estate. It's nice to think that they are following in our footsteps and moving up the ladder in life. 

The grandchildren all excel; even if they leave university with no job to go to, at least their parents will cater for their needs and fund their delayed gap years. Money is no problem in our family...we are blessed with plenty. Our stocks and shares continue to blossom and thrive! Did I mention that already?!

Can you believe that Neville has gone and changed his car... yet again?!
The new BMW has an even better spec and so after a test run we became proud owners of a posh top of the range Beemer with our brand new personalised plate...SNO B1
It has the softest leather interior and gold mug holders...none of that plastic tat, which I read about on someone's blog a few months ago...oh no...real gold to match my jewellery. Neville always says that I deserve the best. He is a poppet.


Finally, we wish you all (and, of course, ourselves) a happy Christmas and a prosperous new year.

Serena and Neville Oscar Blakeley.



************


Obviously, I must reply to Serena and so I might be gone some time!!! LOL! ;-)





4 comments:

Linda Gilbert said...

Brilliant Sal. Our first " ridiculous ragged Robin " has just been dropped in the bin. How I hate them too!

galant said...

Just love it! I get something very similar each year from someone in America (truly!)
Margaret P

Anonymous said...

Listen!

I fully expect my champagne gold iPad Air (hair lair) (One has cracked a joke) to be where I left it, here, in the drawing room.
I don’t want to see any of your mucky dabs all over it, you hear?

Now! It is so important for one to know that the hoi polloi, little people as I call them, are waiting with bated breath to hear of my well being and prosperity.
They have no chance of matching my status but at least can live on the bread crumbs of information that I scat down upon them.
As I have flown in an artiste from California to paint my nails, (Thank goodness! It was such a super idea of Neville’s to have the helipad created at our winter residence)
I cannot do it myself and simple despair at the thought of keeping them waiting any longer, so you will have to do.
You can write can’t you? Luckily you won’t be embarrassed by the lack of education thanks to my clarity of speech and the wonders of spell-check.

Take this down.

Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! ME Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! US Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! WEALTH Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah!
Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! NEW CAR Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! CARIBBEAN HOLIDAY Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! EXCESSES
Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! LIMOUSINE Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! CARTIER Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! HARRODS Blah! Blah! Blah!
Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! THE CITY Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! STOCKS & SHARES Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah!
Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! RITZ! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! SANDRINGHAM Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah!
Blah! ETON Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah!
Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! CAMBRIDGE OR OXFORD Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! ESTATE Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! CANNES Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah!
Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah!
Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! MERCEDES RUNAROUND Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah!
Blah! Blah! Blah! SAVOY Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! LAPLAND Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! BLING! BLING! BLING! Blah! Blah! Blah! FIRST CLASS Blah! Blah!
Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah!

Any way! Enough of me, I mean us, No! I do mean ME, Well! Until next Christmas. It must be lovely and an absolute pleasure for you all to live your lives through me
At least you have your dreams if nothing else and they cannot take that away from you. (I wonder if we could tax dreams)

Darling I simply don’t have time to hear about your news. I’m sure that it is mildly interesting verging on exciting but I have to plan for the Christmas banquet.

Done! Good! Now go away.
Leave by the back door, as I don’t want anyone of my class assuming that I mix in your circles.
If you would like to take the iPad Air box for one of your sprogs so that they can either pretend that they would ever be in a position to own one, or at the very least just play with the box so as not to tax their intellect, then feel free to do so.
Mwah! Mwah! Dahlings

Grace Ushme xxx

Graham said...

Loved that so classic card scene, so English, so pleasing to see.
Have a great and grand holiday season.