The Christmas BOAST in the post! ( Love from Serena!)

Don’t you love this time of year?! 

The jolly old Christmas ‘boasts in the posts’ have been falling on to the mat, quite regularly, even with the postal strikes and all that. But the one I love the most, is of course, Serena’s..of Serena and Neville Oscar Blakeley…their wealth, and her pride in such wealth, never ceases to amaze! 

Ah here it is…how fortunate that it’s just arrived as I was about to write a blog post. This will save me!

Mayfair Lodge, Richmond Upon Thames, Surrey, TW1 3AT

Dear All,

I’ve been itching for Christmas to arrive so that I can send our good news to all of you! We’ve had such a prosperous year, (I hope more prosperous than you..can’t have anyone outdoing us!) One doesn’t really like to talk about money, so let me tell you what we’ve bought, instead. Our lavish lifestyle is one in which we take enormous pride. I’m absolutely bursting with it!

We’ve had a hectic year! Moving house was the highlight and we now reside in a very upmarket and leafy area of Surrey, overlooking the Thames. Our vast estate took a few million from the savings but it was a mere snip, really….and it was vital that we found a prestigious, posh and pretentious place in which to settle down. We’d grown so tired of our old abode and Neville never really recovered from losing the 100 yr old oak tree..and also the dog. I think the sight of the poor pooch lying spreadeagled under that oak tree, really affected poor Neville and has left a lasting imprint on him…not to mention the lasting imprint on the poor dog! Endless trips to Neville’s therapist didn’t actually aid his recovery and so we have done the next best thing and… we’ve moved.

So, what have we got, I can hear you asking! I bet you are itching to know?!And of course we will be issuing invites, soonish…once we have the seventeen guest rooms decorated ‘up to snuff! I don’t do tat and I certainly don’t do vintage crap! Heaven forbid that I should have to have anything in my house that has been though a hundred other people! ( Apart from the bottled, Thames water, that is!🤣)Perish the thought. I digress…

It’s a modern, light and airy property, oozing riches and richness. Opulence is key. The inclusion of a couple of cruiser type boats, moored at the end of the garden, ( the end of the garden being half a mile away) was what really swung it. We love the boating set and we mingle well with the ‘hooray Henry’s’ of this world. We’ve been welcomed to the area very quickly, because of our vast wealth; I can’t keep up with the endless dinner parties and cocktail evenings! Our account at Fortnums, this year, has been very active as we’ve sent so many thank you gifts to neighbours, for their welcoming hospitality. And my extensive wardrobe has become …well even more extensive! The local charity shops also love me as it’s not the done thing to wear an outfit more than once! The gossip that would ensue doesn’t even bear thinking about! 

Neville found a little sideline too! It’s helped his well-being, no end! He invested in an inflatable boat company, situated on the French coast..and business has been booming! I’m not sure why! However, we spotted one of ours bobbing about in the sea when we recently had a day trip to Dover! Neville pointed and shouted in glee..’ Serena, I say…isn’t it good to see our business doing so well! And low and behold, up popped another, this time on the shore…they must be doing day trips from France! How splendid! Not many women in sight though. T’is always good when the men can get away for a jolly, don’t you think?

I said to Neville that we should sail one of our cruisers here …and mingle with the boating fraternity in Dover. Would be good to expand our circle of friends. What fun!

BTW The funny thing is that after our Dover trip we received, in the post, an award from France…addressed to Mr and Mrs Oscar Blakeley. 

‘The Charles de Gaulle Sail and Moor Award’…( which Neville says is the French equivalent of our Park and Ride.)

We weren’t too sure how this came about!  But we’ve since had a strange call from a Monsieur Macron, thanking us for services to his country. We love awards and so have had it framed, in gold, to show off to our new found friends.

Meanwhile, our family continues to thrive. Both Miles and Piers have knighthoods and last year they were both elevated to the peerage, taking their place in the Lords, much to their delight. Their wives, of course, are now real Ladies! Not that they weren’t anyway as I would not have allowed my sons to marry riff raff.

Miles and Piers also have pads in London, for when they need to spend the night away from home…(we don’t ask questions about that, naturally.) 

The grandchildren are all well set up in life. They chose their partners wisely, not through love, but through the size of their bank balance, which we feel is the right way. Money IS the be all and end all. 

Since we moved, we’ve had to employ ‘staff”. I now have my own chauffeur to help me around the busy, Surrey roads as well as to fetch and carry my daily purchases. I pay him well. We do have a local Waitrose  a few hundred yards along the road, which suits me very well. Had it been one of those ‘ Every Little Helps’ places, then I would’ve had to re- think our whole move..or shopped in disguise. I mean, I’m not really a snob as such but one has to keep to certain standards.

Our large and extensive estate is pure joy as the previous owners won awards at the RHS Chelsea Flower Show and we just HAVE to continue the tradition. So we’ve  engaged the services of Minty Dan, who has a wealth of experience in the horticultural world. He has a team working with him who are also highly sought after: Eve Snow, Joseph Speed, Buck Tobyland, Fran Bottomvalley and Coral Stein. They don’t come cheap… but awards are important to us! We are working on a new garden project, whereby boats can moor, their owners pay the entrance fee and then enjoy and swoon at the new floral attractions. Just another of my ideas in order to make money for our ever increasing portfolio. 

So that’s our news. I’m not really interested in yours, so please don’t waste a stamp as I won’t read it. I’m far too busy and far too wrapped up in myself right now. I do however, wish you the usual happy Christmas and prosperous new year. May your stocks and shares thrive, your bank balances bulge and all your investments give you great delight all year round. 

Until next year!

Serena and Neville Oscar Blakeley.

                            (Picture courtesy of Martin Shovel, Twitter.)