SNOB! 😂🤣😂

 My squeals of delight can be heard for miles when Sally and Neville Oscar Blakeley’s wonderful Christmas letter arrives..which it has! I do treasure the moment when it drops on to the mat..I know I’m in for a real treat ...kettle on first, of course! Here goes...

Dear Friends,

Well, what can I say about this year?! With four cancelled holidays, due to that dratted COVID, it means that I cannot relate our fabulous holiday news...we were due to take a skiing trip in St Moritz, a month in the famous wine tasting region of Bordeaux, a six week cruise on the Rhine... and finally, a trip ‘down under’ to visit a plethora of famous places. Talk about a ruined year...at least we did get most of our money returned to us but that’s not really the point, is it? 

Nevertheless, as we were somewhat bored, we managed to squeeze in a house move! Thus, as you can see from our address, we now reside in the very exclusive area of Virginia Water...a palatial residence...security is top notch, as you can imagine. And so we have spent lockdown completely refurbishing the interior...although all new, it wasn’t to our taste and the way that I look at it is that it keeps someone in work. I sent the best Axminster to a charity shop, where it was snapped up by our next door neighbours! I always knew that they would have an eye to the main chance..they look the sort! Shame about our dog piddling on it, daily, but a touch of Fabreze and hey presto...I doubt they will ever notice! 

Our new garden is acres..and some more. Neville was keen to get stuck in a build a pond...but I said that only prize idiots do that themselves so why not employ someone, as let’s face it, we want a lake, not a pond! We have boats to consider, so to save any mooring fees, we will be keeping them on our ‘rather grand’ lake, which by the way is almost finished. 

Next to the lake, we have a pool, which was already here when we bought the house and so the idea is to have regular pool parties so that we can get to know (and impress) the neighbours. One needs to be ‘in’ with the ‘in’ crowd, I do believe. In fact that is vital!

Neville was awfully generous when it was my birthday. He bought me a new diamond necklace and matching bracelet...from a jeweller in Mayfair, no less.  I can’t wait to show it off! I’m so glad that I met him ( Selina always did say that he was generous) as I like to be lavished upon no end! I was at a loss as to what to buy him as he is a man with everything. So, I decided to surprise him and buy him a water bed! (A bit old hat, I know...but he’s never owned one and did mention to me a while ago, that it could be a ‘thrilling experience’.) He was delighted...until the wretched thing split!  Thrilling... not! We only noticed it when water came pouring through the ceiling one morning at breakfast. Believe me, soggy Weetabix is not nice! And Neville’s very expensive slippers, bought in Paris, were ruined! The water bed manufacturer said that they had never had anything happen like this before and they were most apologetic. They immediately sent a replacement. Good job too! I’d have hated to ruin their reputation. They are after all, ‘By Royal Appointment’! Although the mind boggles ....

Luckily, we have not been affected by COVID as we have our money invested in the right places! So, I’ve bought the very best hampers ( including caviar)  from Fortnum and Mason, to give to my very best and wealthiest friends. If you don’t receive one, then please don’t think that we don’t like you...we graded our friends by their wealth, you see. As I’ve already said, one has to impress. 

I move on to a little sad news...someone shot our dog! I’ve a damn good idea who it is as he spends his time shooting squirrels ..if I catch him in the act, I shall personally stick his gun right up his...and then pull the trigger....( I can, however, report that, luckily, our poor little pooch survived but is still very traumatised and receiving help from a pet counselling service. )

We sold our four holiday homes ( one in Spain, one in The Algarve, one in The Lake District and one in North Cornwall)  at the end of last year and thank goodness we did! Neville has wisely invested the proceeds in U.K. property...three of these we will rent out and the other one we will keep for our own use when we fancy a weekend break. 

And with that, my dear friends, I wish you a very happy  Christmas as well as a very prosperous new year.

From your ( rich) friends, Sally and Neville Oscar Blakeley.

🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄